Winter blues Weeks of that flat, gray feeling…depression…funk. Friends don’t let me sink too far…
Adam waves from the top of the truck as we try to hang our banner on the shingles, â€œHEY! Will you take our picture?!â€
Itâ€™s Eric, the guy that drives the porta potty truck.Â Eric was in his truck taking a picture of us with his own phone.Â Happily, he jumps out and comes over, congratulating us as he walks up to the big truck.
Headed to Albuquerque, New Mexico, we stop south of Colorado Springs at a Walmartâ€¦of all places.Â You canâ€™t get into a natural grocers or the parking lot of a whole foods pulling a 48 foot trailer loaded with 50,000 pounds of shinglesâ€¦even if you could find one. I forgot the honey, a pan and we need toilet paper.Â As we walk through this big store, I look over at him.
My 3rd trip out on the truck.Â Itâ€™s warm and itâ€™s windy.
The truck driver:
Learning how to love.Â Learning about love.Â The giving and the receiving. For me this has always been like calculus to me.Â I never knew calculus, I never learned calculus.Â Could I? I always imagine the answer to be no, never.Â The fact is today, absolutely.Â I could probably with time and attention gain such a deep understanding of calculus that I could teach it.Â I have no desire to study math.Â I seek to understand today as the very big opportunity that it is to love myself and others.Â The girl and I like to tell stories.Â When I start thinking of story words today, I pause, I hesitate.Â This is too personal.Â Iâ€™m vulnerable.Â Perhaps I will appear immature or insecure.Â I voice this to her.Â She reminds me that weâ€™re just telling a story and this is just one part of it and itâ€™s sweet. This thing about a love story, a life story, a day, is what itâ€™s all about.Â My definition of love just keeps changing and evolving.Â It grows and moves as I seek it, as I bumble along.Â I love ice cream, I love my son, I love emptying a 12 gauge barrel pump shot gun from the hip, I love hiking above the trees, I love my brothers and sisters, parents and all my family.Â I love dogs. Music, color, light and lines.Â I love plants.Â I love driving the big truck.Â I have learned much about loving.Â Some good and bad.
Loving my son. Those first days of school, ushering him onto the bus at kindergarten. Watching from the window as he gets on the bus in those early high school years, the first day back to school, watching him drive away to school himself.Â Understanding these days, the firstâ€™s, as a benchmark of sorts.Â There is more to it that comes later with age. The cumulative experience as a parent getting a kid to school and the things we learn about loving along the way.Â The mistakes, the celebrations, losses, the laughter and the tears.Â Huge!Â I didnâ€™t realize at the time how much he was teaching me.
I love the girl. Â Â I have learned some stuff about love along my way to her.
I am learning to listen.Â I practice listening.Â Iâ€™m learning to look at things differently, less selfishly, with less fear. Iâ€™ve learned to watch and see.
Iâ€™ve learned more about touch and intimacy.Â Iâ€™ve learned more about kindness. Iâ€™m learning about self-denial and service.Â Iâ€™m learning that time together requires more than just being there, it requires being present, engaged and attentiveâ€¦phone off, away.Â Iâ€™ve become more giving, considerate of my partnersâ€™ needs.Â Â I could try and articulate more of these personal insights but I donâ€™t wanna go that deep here.Â Understanding these days, the firsts, as benchmarks?Â The learning along my way to the girl, the mistakes, the celebrations, losses, the laughter and the tears. Huge!Â I am so grateful, for every single day.